2008, PHASE THREE

Well, I'm looking for my third job since the start of 2008, and I should be starting school again on September 15th. Obviously it's been a year of transition for me, but I am confident that it will turn out well. This time reminds me of 2005-2006, which wasn't too long ago. In 2005 I went to music school for audio engineering, and then spent another 6 months trying to get a job in the field which was rapidly deteriorating as a result of advances in home recording and the start of the economic recession, which hit big record labels pretty hard. Regardless of my struggle to get into music, I was still happy, and had plenty of time between resume-sending to work on my health, and study subjects which sparked my interest such as basic meditation and Buddhism. This period of my life has many of the same elements; living at home, looking for a job, preparing to learn, etc. It makes me wonder, was there a lesson the first time around that I was too ignorant, or even too young to realize? I think so. When I gave up on education, and was ready to get into a life of what I called "resume building", I had basically accepted "the grind", and didn't think the world had much more to offer. I essentially halted my own progress as an achiever, and willingly dove right into the same lifestyle of struggle that so many people today are wishing they could escape... it doesn't sound smart in retrospect, but at the time I felt that it was something that I needed to do.

So what have I learned? Whats going to be different this time?

I am finally learning my own pace. Yes, I move slower than most. I am split right down the center - half party animal, half major homebody; half learner, half worker; half content, half longing for something more. What stays consistent through it all is my unwavering emotion restlessness, and my subtle polar mental cycles that rarely get along with each other. The only way to quench this uneasiness that I have always lived with is to simply keep moving, maintain progress, and never settle for less than completely perfect.

I have also learned is that, in these feelings and mental cycles, I am not unique at all. Almost everyone struggles with these same issues, however what truly makes us unique is whether we choose to perceive our contradicting nature positively or negatively, and in the actions we select to relieve our desire to see if it really is greener on the other side.